Joke Thread

[oakleybezerk]

One last one for the day...

 

[OakleyFrankFMJ]

:laugh::laugh:
Some good ones!

 

[MrMoonlight]

If a gay man jumped on your back, would you leave him there or beat him off?

if jack helped you off a horse, would you help jack off a horse?

 

[xmetalmaniac]

If there was a skeeter on your peter, would you wack it off?

 

[xmetalmaniac]

What is the difference between a rooster and a prostitute?

One says " cockle doodle do ". The other says " any cockle do "

 

[OakleyFrankFMJ]

Q: When do you kick a midget in the balls?
A: When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice

 

[sharjt]

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral.
A huge Heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside.
The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.
At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter.
When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral.....I'm a gynecologist"
Then the proctologist fainted!

 

[OakleyFrankFMJ]

:thumb::laugh:

 

[sharjt]

A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perish.
They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl,
' Mariah, have you ever had any contact with a male naughty organ? '
She giggles and shyly replies, '
Well i once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger. '
He says 'Okay dip the tip of your finger in the holy water and pass through the gates.'
He ask the next girl the same question.
She says 'Well I once fondled and stroked one.'
He says 'Okay dip your whole hand in the holy water and pass through the gates.'
All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls.
One pushes her way to the front of the line.
When she gets there he asks, 'Tami, what seems to be the rush?'
She says 'If I’m going to have to gargle that holy water I want to do it
before Natalie sticks her ass in it!’

 

[sharjt]

LOVE MAKING

The italian says, "When I've finished a makin a da love i go down and gently tickle the back of her knees, she floats 6 inches above da bed in ecstacy."

The Frenchman replies "Zat is nothing, when Ah've finished making ze love, Ah kiss all ze way down her body, and zen Ah lick za soles of her feet wiz mah tongue, and she floats 12 inches above ze bed in pure ecstasy."

The redneck says, "That ain't nothing. When I've finished porkin the ole lady, I git out of bed, walk over to the window and wipe my weener on the curtains. She hits the f****** ceiling!"