Life Event

[THEGROUNDPOUNDER99]

Sorry to hear you and your family is going through this. My thoughts and prayers are with you and I hope the good news keeps coming. Your opening post has me doing some serious self reflecting and puts things in perspective. Stay strong and keep the faith brother.

 

[TravisCook]

I’m just now seeing this.

Prayers for a full recovery.

Please, if there is any way , shape, or form that I can help, please PM me, without hesitation.

Man, we’re all one big family. We’re here to support you.

&

 

[Medusa50]

For all those who have offered assistance I thank you. In the event my health takes a turn for the worse I will direct my wife to the thread. There may come a time when helping answer her questions if I’m gone would be appreciated. May that day never come and I will be a happy man.

 

[MatSteelersFan]

Keep fighting brother, will be continuing to pray for you!

 

[The Proprietary Molecule]

Had my third round of chemotherapy yesterday. First time using the port a cath. Wasn’t as easy as I was led to believe. The nurse had to scrub the area where they were going to insert the needle. He said I have to sterilize it for 60 seconds. He applied a lot of pressure and I was gripping the chair trying to push away but it didn’t matter. Very uncomfortable!

His first attempt to get the needle into the port failed. He was trying to feel the three nipples on top of the port so he could insert the needle in the middle of that triangle. We will call that the bullseye. He missed. As you can imagine I’m sweating now and growing anxious because we haven’t even started.

The head nurse comes over and now I have to endure another 60 second scrub down and then she tries. The needle is on the end of a bottle cap sized plug with the IV tube attached. It is a 90degree object. The needle itself is approximately 3/4 inch and has a dog legs tip so it doesn’t fall out. With considerable force she shoves it in quite deep.

Side note I was never informed I should have been given lidocaine to apply at home before arriving which would have numbed the area. Lessons learned.

They hit me with the usual steroids, Benadryl, Pepcid etc and then open up the Chemo IV. She said it’s going to feel weird the first time. Understatement. I felt it going directly into my heart and radiating out to parts of my body. I started to feel sick to my stomach. I was told relax and try not to fight it. My vision was slighted blurred and I began feeling warm. They said my skin color got red but it began to dissipate so they continue and there was no need to rechallenge the treatment .

Total of three hours and I was done. I walked out feeling really weak and tired. I told my wife just get me home. It was cold and very windy as I walked out of the hospital. Feeling shaky I got home and immediately had to use the bathroom three times in 15 minutes. I was unsure what was happening. I had hot flashes for the rest of the day and was sweating numerous times. Didn’t sleep but 3 1/2 hours last night.


My good news story was my test results. You may remember I has a PSA that was through the roof at one thousand six hundred ninety. Normal range is between 1 and 4. Yesterday I scored a 2.23. My wife cried And gave me a hug.

It was a great day overall.

Regarding Lidocaine, my wife is a healthcare professional and she said there is a nationwide shortage. They can't get it and have no idea when it might be available.

Continue the fight brother.

I hope you are able to find some periods of comfort.

 

[Medusa50]

Spent the day with my Mom and sister. They both live close to two hours away. My Mother just turned 90 and she has health issues. She’s starting to forget things and it’s time she be with someone else rather than alone.

My sister lives alone but she has a small place. Mom is spending $2500 per month to live in an apartment an hour passed my sister. Long story short she took that apartment to be near her granddaughter who no longer speaks to her. She said she did it for the great grand kids but now she doesn’t see them either.

I drove down so I could take them to the apartment. We were going to bring Mom’s Equinox back and pick up some clothing. My Mother was having trouble with her shoes and as I kneeled down to tie them I thought of how many times she took me to the movies or the park as a child. I didn’t have any friends. Mom was always my friend.

She was happy to show me her apartment as she took me from one room to the next. It made her smile and she was like a child with her toys. Everything in its place, like a showcase. She told me how she would sit in her chair all day and just look at everything.

It was nice to see her on her throne as she surveyed her kingdom. She was Queen over her own court and nothing was out of place. She knew if you moved a pillow or turned her flowers the wrong way. She cherished her lamps and the things she bought over the years. They all had special meaning and I couldn’t help but think she would be leaving it to go live with my sister. She wouldn’t have a kingdom to reside over anymore. It had to be hard.

As we made our way to the garage we loaded up my Moms car as they both prepared to head back. I was driving straight home so I went to the passenger side to give my Mom a kiss and say goodbye. As I stood in the doorway I could see she was about to cry. It was sad to see her as she silently said goodbye to all her things.

Deep down though she knew she’d be back she also knew this would be the last time she would see her castle the way it was. Things would be different and I’m sure the thought of it was making her afraid. Next time all her precious things would be loaded onto a truck and carted away.

I held her tight and asked her not to cry. I hugged her, telling her it would be alright. We stood there a long time. After a bit she smiled at me and said go home. I kissed her goodbye and told her I love her.

It was one of the saddest things I had to witness in a very long time. Your parents take care of you growing up and then you find yourself in their role trying to take care of them. I drove home thinking how much I wish she could stay there as she loved it so much.

I kept telling myself it was the best thing for her to be with my sister now. I wasn’t very convincing as all I could think about was how sad it was making her.

A mess driving home. I don’t know if I felt so hurt about anything before as I did watching her.

I love you Mom!

 

[Medusa50]

When I first started treatment they told me about possible side effects. Not knowing any better I figured if you had several of them they would always be the same. Having gotten three cycles in two months they tend to change and only some things repeat themselves.

A friend who lives in TX said you’ll get to know your pattern. She said she plans her activities around it the best she can. I’ve come to expect the day after treatment is probably my best even though the day of chemo is a crap shoot. Probably because the steroids and such haven’t worn off. Good thing I visited with Mom the other day.

Saturday I was very tired. Similar to last time it settled in about 48-72 hours afterwards. I lied around most of the day struggling to keep my eyes open. Drifting in and out of sleep it was a long day. Initially I said at least I’m not in pain. That changed.

It began with my neck getting stiff. Slowly that crept into my shoulders and the tops of my wrists. I had sharp shooting pains in various places as if someone pricked me with a pin. At times the pain was in the arches of my foot or randomly in my abdomen. So unpredictable.

Today I woke with a headache and other than feeling drained the only thing bothering me is my chest. As much as I didn’t want to go for chemo it was a chance to see how I was going to react one more time. Not knowing is always scary. At least when you’ve been through it you can tell yourself I can do this.


I spoke to my brother on the phone. He told me a story of how our Dad helped him with fixing something on my brothers car. My brother said as soon as it was fixed he backed the car out of the garage and left. He told me Dad did all that for him and he said I never even got out of the car to say thank you or can I help you put the tools away.

That must have been about 50 years ago. It obviously bothers him now and he often thinks about the mistakes we all make. Dad passed away in 2012 and my brother goes to see him every Sunday. They both lived in NV. It’s become a ritual. My brother said too many conversations happen after it’s too late. I hope he feels at peace and can talk to our Dad the way we should have when he was still here. I am no different and I wasted so much time. If only I had a chance to be a better person.

 

[GRFMotorsports]

Once again, thank you for sharing these moments in your life. It is usually a reality gut check every time I read them.

 

[Marstain]

I actually like that you’re letting it all out because it gives me some perspective on maybe what is going on in my sons mind as he battles his cancer. It really changes everything and how you look at everything differently. I went out to see him yesterday at his moms after a week of methotrexate and he was in good spirits. He has another round next week of mtx and then he gets to go on Spring Break. Thanks for putting it all out there Medusa. You are a badass man. Keep fighting.

 

[Medusa50]

I actually like that you’re letting it all out because it gives me some perspective on maybe what is going on in my sons mind as he battles his cancer. It really changes everything and how you look at everything differently. I went out to see him yesterday at his moms after a week of methotrexate and he was in good spirits. He has another round next week of mtx and then he gets to go on Spring Break. Thanks for putting it all out there Medusa. You are a badass man. Keep fighting.

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Prayers for him and your family. When one person has an illness the entire family bears that weight. My sister cries when she hugs me, my brother cries when he talks to me, my Mom cries because she carried me. Most importantly my wife cries because she loves me. Everyone supports in a different way. My goal is to see everyone cry tears of joy to be able to tell them I’m in remission. I’m not there yet. People say I can’t believe your attitude. You are as tough as they come. No. Alone I am weak. My army is huge. I’m only standing in front of them!