Joke Thread

[OakleyFrankFMJ]

A little boy asked his father: "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"

And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."





:laugh:

 

[oakleybezerk]

I came out of the shop with a meat and potato pie,large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage.

A poor homeless man sat there and said “I've not eaten for two days.”

I told him “I wish I had your will power”!

 

[oakleybezerk]

A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunch time. She said “sorry about the wait.”

I said 'don't worry dear, you're bound to lose it eventually. '

 

[oakleybezerk]

"Snow in the forecast!" The TV weather girl said she was expecting 8 inches tonight.

I thought to myself, fat chance with a face like that!

 

[OakleyGuru379]

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because he was dead.

 

[Frogskins]

I'm so manly, that even my sentences don't have a period

 

[OakleyFrankFMJ]

A young, freshly minted lieutenant was sent to Bosnia as part of the peace keeping mission. During a briefing on land mines, the captain asked for questions.

Our intrepid solder raised his hand and asked, "If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?"

"Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air and scatter oneself over a wide area."

 

[OakleyFrankFMJ]

Why don't witches wear panties?

So they can get a better grip on the broom.

 

[oakleybezerk]

I saw my mate Charlie this morning, he's only got one arm bless him.

I shouted. “Where you off to Charlie”?

He said. “I'm off to change a light bulb”.

Well, I just cracked up, couldn't stop laughing. I said. “That's gonna be a bit awkward init”?

“Not really”, He said. “I still have the receipt, you insensitive bastard”.

 

[Frogskins]

Why don't witches wear panties?

So they can get a better grip on the broom.

Thanks for the visual ... :blink: