Joke Thread

[Ralph Marshall]

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"
When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
"GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber.
Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.
"JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked April a third question.
"What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?"
And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.
This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!"
The Teacher fainted.

 

[kronin323]

A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory perception.
She brought in a variety of lifesavers and said, "Children, I'd like you to close your eyes and taste these."
The kids easily identified the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher gave them honey-flavored lifesavers, all of the kids were stumped.
I'll give you a hint," said the teacher.
"It's something your mommy probably calls your daddy all the time."
Instantly, Little Johnny coughed his onto the floor and shouted, "Quick! Spit'em out! They're a**holes!"

lol - the description of all the colors, etc made me think of what's known as a "rainbow" party - I wish they had those back in my teenage years, but now with a daughter, I shudder...

 

[Ralph Marshall]

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"
"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

 

[Ralph Marshall]

lol - the description of all the colors, etc made me think of what's known as a "rainbow" party - I wish they had those back in my teenage years, but now with a daughter, I shudder...

Is a Rainbow Party the lipstick color thing that I am thinking of???

 

[kronin323]

Is a Rainbow Party the lipstick color thing that I am thinking of???

I think so - guy goes into a dark closet and, in turns, collects as many "rainbow bands" (i.e. lipstick rings) as he can, and I don't mean on his face...

I feel so conflicted when I stream some p0rn these days, if I think about it...

 

[Ralph Marshall]

I think so - guy goes into a dark closet and, in turns, collects as many "rainbow bands" (i.e. lipstick rings) as he can, and I don't mean on his face...

I feel so conflicted when I stream some p0rn these days, if I think about it...

Yep, that's what I thought...

 

[kronin323]

Yep, that's what I thought...

I have a co-worker friend with two daughters who summed it up nicely - when you have a son, you have to worry about one d!ck. When you have a daughter, you have to worry about all the d!cks...

 

[Ralph Marshall]

I have a co-worker friend with two daughters who summed it up nicely - when you have a son, you have to worry about one d!ck. When you have a daughter, you have to worry about all the d!cks...

I can totally relate

 

[kronin323]

 

[David F]

How do you know if a woman from Alabama is on her period....?


She'll only be wearing one sock...