Joke Thread

[cyclerdoug]

 

["TRUMP"]

 

[OakleyFrankFMJ]

Sophie just got married, and being a traditional Italian was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But mother reassured her. "Don't worry, Sophie. Luca's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take care of you." So up she went. When she got upstairs, Luca took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Sophie ran downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, Luca's got a big hairy chest." "Don't worry, Sophie", says the mother, "All good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you." So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Luca took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again Sophie ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Luca took off his pants, and he's got hairy legs!" "Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Luca's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take good care of you." So, up she went again. When she got up there, Luca took off his socks, and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Sophie saw this, she ran downstairs. "Mama, Mama, Luca's got a foot and a half!" "Stay here and stir the pasta", says the mother. "This is a job for Mama!"

 

[Nortika]

 

["TRUMP"]

View attachment 319039

...or just make sure they have a dad in their life

 

[OakleyFrankFMJ]

Three men want make phone call from Hell to remind to their relatives about its harsh conditions
Their Nationalities were American, Italian and Ethiopian.
So they decide to go to Devil who is the boss.
So the American made a call and the Devil made him to pay 100 USD, then an Italian made a call and the Devil made him to pay 10 Euros on fact that Italy is less developed than that of USA.
LASTLY an Ethiopian made a call and the Devil made him to pay a cent
Both the American and Italian complain as it is not fair and the devil responded to them
"The Ethiopian call was a local call whereas your was an International call"

 

[OakleyFrankFMJ]

Big Bad Wolf The three little pigs... You know the story. The big bad wolf starts in 'huffing and puffing' on the house made of straw, so that little pig runs over to his brother's place made of sticks. The wolf starts to blow the stick house down, so they run over to join their third brother in the brick house. The wolf meanwhile starts huffing and puffing at the brick house. The windows rattle, the door shakes. The third pig picks up his phone and makes a call. Pretty soon a big black Lincoln Continental pulls up and out steps 2 really rough looking pigs. Wearing black fedora hats, they are dressed all in black, except for white ties. They also have machine guns, and they quickly make mincemeat out of the wolf. "Who the hell are they?" ask the first two pigs. Replies the third pig, "They're our neighbors, the Guinea pigs!"

 

[Orion]

A police officer came across a man stumbling, confused, heavily intoxicated man. The man was holding his car keys with his arm extended ahead of him.

Officer: "Excuse me sir, can I help you?"
Man: "Yesshher (hicup) I'm lost my car".
Officer: "Where did you last see it?"
Man: "At the end of my keys"

The officer then noticed the man's penis was hanging out of his pants and said.

Officer: "Sir, do you know your penis is hanging out of your pants?"
Man: "Oh, you mean I lost my wife too?"

 

[OakleyFrankFMJ]

A devout Australian cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a kangaroo walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the kangaroos mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!" "Not really," said the kangaroo. "Your name is written inside the cover."

 

[OakleyFrankFMJ]

A Kiwi and an Aussie went fishing one afternoon and decided to have a couple of cold beers. After a while the Aussie says to the Kiwi, "If I was to sneak over to your house and made wild passionate love to your wife while you were at work, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?" The Kiwi after a great deal of thought, says, "Well, I don't know about related, but it sure would make us even."