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Joke Thread

Four guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Frank’s wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Frank’s friends are very upset that he can’t go, but what can they do.

Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Frank sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.

“Damn man, how long you been here, and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?”
“Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, ‘Guess who?’” I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose pedals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did.
And then she said, “Do what ever you want.”
So, here I am.
 
A cop pulls a car over for speeding.
Cop comes to the car.
Cop: Can I we you license.
Women: I don't have one because I have 3 due.
Cop: Can I see your registration then.
Women: I don't have one because I stole this car, chopped up the owner and put him in the trunk.
Cop: Wait right hear. (The cop calls for back up when it arrives).
Cop 2: license
Women: hands it to him
Cop 2: registration
Women: hands it to him
Cop 2: open your trunk
Women: opens it
Cop 2: what going on you told the other cop you had no license or registration you sole the car and chopped up the owner pull him in the truck.
Women: He's a dam lier I guess he also told you I was speeding.
 
A cop pulls a car over for speeding.
Cop comes to the car.
Cop: Can I we you license.
Women: I don't have one because I have 3 due.
Cop: Can I see your registration then.
Women: I don't have one because I stole this car, chopped up the owner and put him in the trunk.
Cop: Wait right hear. (The cop calls for back up when it arrives).
Cop 2: license
Women: hands it to him
Cop 2: registration
Women: hands it to him
Cop 2: open your trunk
Women: opens it
Cop 2: what going on you told the other cop you had no license or registration you sole the car and chopped up the owner pull him in the truck.
Women: He's a dam lier I guess he also told you I was speeding.


good one!!:laugh:
 
Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. "Listen to this," she said. "There's a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium."

"Hmmm," her husband said, not looking up from his magazine.

Teasing him, Sarah said, "Would you swap me for a season ticket?"

"Absolutely not," he said.

"How sweet," Sarah said. "Tell me why not."

"Season's more than half over," he said.
 
Sherlock Holmes and Watson go camping. After a dinner they pitch their tent and go to sleep. A few hours pass and Holmes wakes up then nudges his friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

"I see thousands of stars, Holmes,” replies Watson.

“And what do you deduce from that?”

After thinking for a moment, Watson replies: “Well, astronomically, it tells me that as there are billions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets, others may now be looking at their sky. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Metaphysically, I can see that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, my good friend and idiot!” he says. “I deduce someone has stolen our tent!”
 
A husband climbed into bed and tried to get a Lil frisky with his wife, she said" honey not tonight, please, I have a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to be fresh..... So he turns over frustrated, about 2 minutes later after tossing and turning, he taps his wife on the shoulder and says " you wouldn't happen to have a dentist appointment also....
 
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