Joke Thread

[Kimy]

Boy: I Love You

Girl: I Love Dubstep

Boy: Lets have Sex ?!

Girl: Lets listen to Dubstep ?!

Boy: Lets do both

A While later...

Policeman: So your telling me she just exploded ?

Guy: Yes Sir ...

 

[Rustpot]

The teacher was quizzing the kindergarteners on animal sounds. She starts out asking "who can tell me what the pig says?"

Immediately Tyrone jumps up "Freeze motha****a!"

There aren't many farms in Detroit, apparently...

 

[oakleybezerk]

 

[oakleybezerk]

My mate reckons he always cries after sex.

Mind you....he is in Prison.

 

[oakleybezerk]

Nearly shagged a Ladyboy last night. Picked him up in a night club. He Looked like a woman. Smelled like a woman. Danced like a woman. Even kissed like a woman, but as we arrived back at his apartment he reversed his car into a tight parking slot in one fluid movement…! That's when I thought just wait a minute…”

 

[Oakle y]

Nearly shagged a Ladyboy last night. Picked him up in a night club. He Looked like a woman. Smelled like a woman. Danced like a woman. Even kissed like a woman, but as we arrived back at his apartment he reversed his car into a tight parking slot in one fluid movement…! That's when I thought just wait a minute…”

Thats great.

 

[qBan]

i skeleton walks in a bar.... orders a beer and a mop!!

 

[Frogskins]

My gf got crabs, so I bought her fishnet stockings ...

 

[oakleybezerk]

A pharmacist walked into his shop to find a man leaning against the wall. "What's wrong with him?", he asked his assistant.
"He came in for cough syrup, but I couldn't find any so I gave him an entire box of laxatives."
"You idiot" said the chemist, "You can't treat a cough with laxatives."
"Of course you can" the assistant replied, "Look at him.........he daren't cough now!!"

 

[oakleybezerk]

A Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his type of blood in case the need arose.

As the gentleman had a very rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so the call went out.

Finally, a Scotsman was located who had the same blood type.

The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.

The Arab sent the Scotsman, as appreciation for giving his blood a new BMW, diamonds & £ 10,000, happy that his surgery could now go ahead.

A couple of months later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery.

His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again.

After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.

The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his previous kind gesture as he had anticipated.

He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again,that you would give me a BMW, diamonds & money, but you only gave me a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street."

The Arab replied: "Aye , laddie, but you must remember I've got Scottish blood in me now!"